A late night one.
For those who know me, you know i got an old soul, people call me “Granny” or “Old Owl” even Gandi” and I’ve actually only just started to ask why i acquired this state of mind, compared to others i know, don’t get me wrong it’s an amazing asset but I’ll be honest it actually does get me down.. I’m aware of too much not able to think freely and make stupid decisions being a young adult.. i’m too particular, another down fall is not everyone around me has the same. so the frustration can be real, nothing to do with age and i can’t even say it’s 100% to do with experience because i’ve been through things but then others have too, worse maybe and yet still have a different outcome.
For example, Relationships in this day and age.. majority aren’t the smooth sail you expect. becoming big situations weighing heavy on your heart.. feelings getting complicated, holding it in or letting it out at the wrong time or in the wrong situation still causing big hurt, not committing because you want to fish, major trust issues, staying single dragging others on a leech because relationships aren’t your style, insecurities a whole heap of kept in feelings and shit loads of unsaid things that sit on your chest, it sits on your heart and you try to play happy heart and put on a smile for the audience. Yet only really in our generations? but my mindset above all can’t handle that, it don’t sit well with me.. i never stand to be the person if you ask me of another and i and i say “i don’t know” it’s not something I’m used to and i’m sure its something i don’t want to get used to, Yet call me contradicted girl, I’ve been in those kind of situations with out choice, i’ve settled for similar, it’s a downfall and i have things that weigh heavy on my heart.. Including friendships with people, i hold pain because of others or maybe even myself for reasons of holding in feelings or unsaid things.
I won’t lie, i don’t know the outcome of the post i just needed to write and this is what fell off my finger tips, i don’t know if it makes sense no idea but for the first time in a long time the questions i ask in my head or the half questions i try to put together to make sense. I don’t have the answers this old soul is tired i guess haha. I actually sit and wonder what will come of it all?